Arrogance of an Agnostic

एक पत्ता हूँ तूफानों के रुख को बदलते रहता हूँ,
पानी का एक बूँद हूँ सागर के लहरों पे सवार रहता हूँ
एक साँस हूँ जो ज़िंदगी को आबाद करती है,
समय का एक पल हूँ जहाँ सदियाँ बदल जाती हैं,
अनंत पे एक बिंदु हूँ जहाँ तुम्हारी नज़रें बरबस ठहर जाती हैं,
दिगंत का लकीर हूँ जहाँ समय और शून्य सिमट जाते हैं,
और अंत मे,
वो एक कोशिका हूँ जिसमें अनगिनत पीढियां समायीं हैं।

Sex by the side of Sea Face - Worli

At 7.30 PM I returned to my room in Worli guest house not very far away from sea. I looked into the big mirror as it stealthily watched me getting out of formal office dress. From light blue shirt and black trousers to tight black T-shirt and loose baggy pants. As I looked at my shirtless body I wanted to touch the wheat colored skin of the person standing inside the mirror. My eyes felt the muscular contour of chest, shoulders and arms. And the shining dreamy eyes loaded with many sleepless hours. The Narcissus looked at himself bathed in the mercury light.... athelectic body embedded in the big float glass mirror. Like a body builder he inhaled a quantum of air and flexed muscles with a sense of self appreciation. Under the appreciating gaze the person inside the mirror stood in black t-shirt and khaki trousers. He was looking too sexy not to fall in love with. As passion took control of the senses I walked out of boundage of four walls and on to the road in search of her.

I did not had to walk long when I saw her place; a place glossy with lights. From their respective resting places they stood silently with a sultry gaz .... with a sense of purpose and objective expectation. To be selected, to be enjoyed. Wrapped in their best they beckoned. My eyes searched her and my mind recollected memories of previous experience ..... "B" word name. As soon as I paid money she rushed into my hands. Yet, I did not buy her I had earned her. She was mine. I held her .... grabbed her in my palms and we both moved towards sea.

It was late night but the neon lights were on ... sea face was washed in yellow neon light ... and the vendors were still selling boiled maize as the night lethargically moved on. Vehicles were rushing by oblivious of the silent sea expecting to embrace the moon. Quiet and silent she understood purpose of my quest. I was searching a place where I can express my desire. And I took her to a seat made of concrete at a location where there was little disturbance as possible. I sat with her. She was in my lap. I hold her tightly and looked at her golden ornaments on a mat finish make up. Splashes of red and yellow on her dark brown dress with minimal but effectively adorned with gold.

I hugged her and then slowly undraped her brown dress. Out of her brown dress out came she sexy and slim. The under dress was glossy brown but in a lighter shade. The underside had a shine of silver. My fingers surgically removed the oxidised silver dress and my finger tips moved on her dark brown body feeling the smooth porcelain texture. The softness of exterior on a hard body catapulated all senses. The tactile senses activated olfactory senses and I drew her to my nose. She did not object. Through the partially brown dress I inhaled her aroma that awakened my senses. The tongue was anxious to taste her. I took another deep inhale as she quietly waited for further action. The common man gently resting on steel frame looked away. The sea gushed in to see the action but retracting after feeling shy to return back surreptitously riding on the waves of voyeurism.

It was difficult to wait and I took a bite she melted in my mouth. The salty breeze scoured into my nostrils and I drew her further closer and took another deep inhale. Every inhale ended with a bite and every bite ended with inhale. Every bite ended with a generation of a soft sound, a moan to be consumed and devoured. As the cycle of inhalation and bite progressed she kept melting into my mouth. My eyes were closed, lips and tongue moved amply aided by teeth. Warm breath and fragrance of cocoa pheromones. The experience was ineffable. And she was consumed, every small fragments of her was consumed.... leaving a sense of guilt and a sense of loss .... masculine loss. It all ended so soon.... within six minutes raising a strong sense of envy those who are into the act for the entire month.

Nectar is never far away

.....Kehan pata tha (I did not know)

In a dark night when everything around me was in slumber excepts symphony of silence produced by crepuscular creatures and howling of Jackals, there was a sense of loss and dejection. I was sleeping below a sky full of stars gazing at me. On dark black sky it appeared as if million of pairs of eyes shining like a cats eye shining in the darkness. Nearby a dog tries to compete with Jackal's alto ends up by disturbing peace and serenity. Mind was wandering through different paths upon which life has tread, a silent sepulchural cry......

Ek tum heen to the jindagi main,
Kafir nikalogey kehan pata tha.

Bade arman se dekha tha teri ankhon main,
Kishi aur ka chehra nazar ayeyga kehan pata tha.

Chahta reha hum jishey jindagi bhar,
yun saath chod dogey kehan pata tha.

Mehfil-mehfil gulsan-gulsan dundhta reha hun tumko,
padosh main heen mil jaogey kehan pata tha.

Hazaron hashinaon ko dil diya,
Ek se bhee mohabbat na milega kehan pata tha.

Puri duniyan ghumta reha hun,
Shehar main heen kho jaunga kehan pata tha.

Tujh se milney ki umeed main puri sab jagta reha,
Sahar honey per tum aogey to so jaunga kehan pata tha.

English Translation

You are the only one in my life,
You will be "Kaphir" I did not know.

With lot of expectation I looked into your eyes,
I will see elses face I did not know.

Entire life I have desired you,
In the end you will leave me I did not know.

I searched you in parties and gardens,
You will be in neighborhood I did not know.

I loved thousands of females,
Not even one will love me I did not know.

I have been roaming all around the world,
I will get lost in my town I did not know.

I kept awake entire night waiting for you,
You will come at dawn I did not know.

......Kehan pata tha (I did not know)

In a dark night when everything around me was in slumber excepts symphony of silence produced by crepuscular creatures and howling of Jackals, there was a sense of loss and dejection. I was sleeping below a sky full of stars gazing at me. On dark black sky it appeared as if million of pairs of eyes shining like a cats eye shining in the darkness. Nearby a dog tries to compete with Jackal's alto ends up by disturbing peace and serenity. Mind was wandering through different paths upon which life has tread, a silent sepulchural cry......

Ek tum heen to the jindagi main,
Kafir nikalogey kehan pata tha.

Bade arman se dekha tha teri ankhon main,
Kishi aur ka chehra nazar ayeyga kehan pata tha.

Chahta reha hum jishey jindagi bhar,
yun saath chod dogey kehan pata tha.

Mehfil-mehfil gulsan-gulsan dundhta reha hun tumko,
padosh main heen mil jaogey kehan pata tha.

Hazaron hashinaon ko dil diya,
Ek se bhee mohabbat na milega kehan pata tha.

Puri duniyan ghumta reha hun,
Shehar main heen kho jaunga kehan pata tha.

Tujh se milney ki umeed main puri sab jagta reha,
Sahar honey per tum aogey to so jaunga kehan pata tha.

English Translation

You are the only one in my life,
You will be "Kaphir" I did not know.

With lot of expectation I looked into your eyes,
I will see elses face I did not know.

Entire life I have desired you,
In the end you will leave me I did not know.

I searched you in parties and gardens,
You will be in neighborhood I did not know.

I loved thousands of females,
Not even one will love me I did not know.

I have been roaming all around the world,
I will get lost in my town I did not know.

I kept awake entire night waiting for you,
You will come at dawn I did not know.

If........ for reciprocity

Yesterday night as I was walking back to my flat I realised that I was chasing moon. It was moon light night. I do not know how many of you have observed full moon during rainy season in this part of the world. After rain, majority of clouds disappear, still there are few clouds, smaller clouds, almost transparent clouds, are left in the sky. The sky appears to de dark blue, rather fresh dark blue. There is freshness prevalent in the entire atmosphere. Everything, right from the slow blowing breeze, to the sound of insects and frogs, to the light of moon, everything appears as if they have bathed.

As I was chasing the engmatic moon a poetry brewed into my brain, it is in Hindi,


Main puri raat chand ke taraf badhta reha,
agar ek kadam bhee merey teraf badhta,
main sehar ka intezaar na karta,

Main leharon ki teraf tairata reha,
agar ek baar ruk gaya hota,
main kenaron ki tamanna na karta,

Main tumharey liyey har pal palkon ko bichayey kada reha,
agar ek baar mud ke dekh letey,
main jindagi se juda honey ka irada nahin karta,

Main tumharey khwabon main khoya reha ta-umra,
agar ek baar yaad kar letey,
main kishi aur kee goad main siir rakhkar na sota.


The English Translation

( Entire night I kept on moving towards Moon,
If, it would have moved one step towards me,
I would not have desired of the dawn

I kept on swimming towards a wave,
If, it would have stopped for a momemt,
I would not have desired of ends

I waited for you for my entire life,
If, you had remembered me once,
I would not have thought of ending my life

I was lost remembering you in my dreams,
If, you would have remebered me once,
I would not have slept in lap of others.)

I know this is horrible translation.

Barf pe Syahi (Ink on Ice)

Aaj woh ek baar phir se Pheni piyega.......
...angrezi main ek aur nayi kavita likhega....
kuch safed panno par adi tirchee apni hantho ki likiron ki terah .....
..sabdon ko likhega..........
unhi panno ko phadeyga ....
khidki se udtey huy kagaz ke tukdo ko jamin ko chumtey dekhega........
sayd jamin pe padi safed barf main
kali syahi ko kagaz ke sath ghultey dekheyga........................

Note- Pheni is a desi liqour of Goa

For English Readers

Today he will once again drink Pheni,
Will write one new poem in English,
on white sheets he will draw some lines like messy lines on his palm...
will scribble some words,
he will tear those papers to pieces,
he will watch shreds of papers kissing earth,
may be he will watch,
on the ice covered earth,
black ink along with paper melting into ice.......


Note - The translation is only indicative....readers can do a better work

Lonely yet not alone

Lonely yet not alone
Originally uploaded by Ram Manohar Vikas.

I am an avid birdwatcher. Recently, I met an Anthropologist who is also an ornithologist. He initiated me to know standard names, genus and species. To be honest , I got into technicalities to impress him rather than by my own preference. I hardly remember name of my friends (it is really ackward but cannot help) , remembering names of birds is tougher. I like ot remember them by their sound and color.

This bird is really fascinating. It is called Small Cormorant (source http://www.kolkatabirds.com/birdsind.htm ). All day long it stays either on pipes of the cooling system or on walls of the cooling tank. Four years back when I came to this place I fell in love with this bird. And trust me, one of the most fascinating passtimes of this place is to watch this bird diving into the water to catch frog from the third floor of the library. The beauty of the event multiplies as one sits on a chair by side of the window that faces cooling tank, winter time, pleasant sun gently caressing cold cheeks , aerosols of water sprayed by fountains swaying in the air and intermittently creating rainbows, sweet aroma of honey coming from the honeycomb hanging overhead on the other side of fixed window, buzzing of bees and this lazy looking bird diving into the water with a sense of urgency to catch frogs.

Every year I find this bird alone. Not for once I have seen it paired. The only time it pairs is in the evening when sun is setting down and water is still. The water is dirty but the reflection of this bird is its better half. This gives an strange illusion that lonliness is different from being alone.

State of happiness and bliss

Manys years back when I was in job, I used to desire of buying a nice camera. Thanks to the abysmally low salary I could not buy one. Each year I used to make plans but then at the end of the month I used to left with no disposable income and the camera plan was the one to get disposed off.

Four years back I resigned my job and started doing what I liked. No reporting to a nincompoop, no claustrophobic cubicles, no race against wrist watch. Life is best when you are the only one to control it. Life is too precious to be given to any individual or an institution for control and monitoring. Freedom is priceless.

Last week I purchased one camera. The first shot I took was of my son named Pulak. The word Pulak means state of joy, happiness, bliss. Trust me, the boy has all these and many more. The result is on the blog. By looking at the photograph I felt as if I am a very good photographer. However, beauty is not in the mega pixels but in the state of mind. The picture depicts happiness and joy both of the photographer and the phographed. The beauty is in the realisation and recognition.